Site Closing :*-(

Message regarding site closing from Femme…

After several years traipsing about as a scantily clad internet fantasy girl, the time has come for me to pursue more clothed endeavors. This fall I’ll be marrying the man of my dreams and soon enough starting a family. As you might guess, this means I’ll no longer be available for casual flirts and virtual lap dances. There will also be no new site content being released after July 2nd, however the site will remain archived if anyone would like to continue to view the content inside. Thank you to all who have supported, entertained, and aroused me with your antics. Both your presence and your presents will be missed.

Don’t worry there are plenty of fish in the sea. Good luck and God speed.



Bra on Stage (blog)

During my lifespan I’ve only been to a handful of concerts. In fact, I’m certain I can count all of them on one hand. In chronological order: Everclear, Incubus, Kanye West, and MGMT. This doesn’t include the international DJs seen live (hundreds), which IMO don’t count as concerts. Last weekend I went to another.. that’s 5 now! A full hand of concerts! Ellie Goulding’s music isn’t exactly coveted by men worldwide but as for women, we are fans. As well as the gays, one of which kept rubbing his rear end all over me as he was recklessly dancing. I put a stop to that. Just because you don’t want to have sex with me doesn’t mean you can violate my frontal area. Thanks!

Ellie was great live. Her voice was nearly perfect and the band was powerful. Lots of synchronized drumming. The thing that surprised me most about her was her apparent masculinity. Her voice is so feminine and beautiful that to see her in black leather pants, black tank top, hunched over with arms bowing out from her sides… she was oozing testosterone. Clearly I wasn’t the only one to notice this oddity when some lovelorn fan threw her magenta push-up bra at Ellie while performing.

To top it off, I had a very sexual and intimate dream about the British songstress that night in which we proceeded to get naughty and nice in a Vegas hotel room after her show. I guess that’s what happens when you are in need of some lovin’. Hehe.



Braised Endives (blog)

Have decided to share one of my favorite comfort foods with you this week. It has a unique flavor and may not be for everyone… but if you’re into trying new things, this comes highly recommended. The following is a recipe for Braised Belgian Endives from


I first came across braised endives in an awful job many years ago. I was nominally hired as au pair in a very snobby nouveau riche family in the 16th. Being pretentious gits, they had a cook/housekeeper. Being cheap, they hired an illegal immigrant from Mauritius and treated her very, very badly. And they shouldn’t have done, because she was a treasure: cheerful, hard-working, and a fantastic cook. (Of course I would never argue they should treat her badly if she were depressed, lazy and a bad cook, but it was augmenting the crime.) I will always regret that I left that job (in a hurry, I might add) without getting her recipe for samosas. They were wonderful.

And so were the braised endives. I wandered in the kitchen one afternoon, drawn by the savoury smell of chicken and an indefinable vegetable. I saw them bubbling merrily in a milky sauce. And I asked, “What on earth is that?” She looked at me as though I had suddenly dropped down from the Planet of the Terminally Clueless and said “Why, braised endives, of course!”

That night, I stopped at the épicerie on my way home and bought a kilo of them. I remember they were wrapped in a piece of paper that, very helpfully, had recipes for cooking them. It’s as though my guardian angel was sitting on my shoulder, directing the fates in my direction: it included one for braised endives.

I can’t give credit for the following recipe as I have no idea what Belgian Endive Food Board had the bright idea of putting recipes on the paper that was used to wrap the darling Endives. But I am grateful. That was some 12 years ago and I’m still making them the same way. I haven’t even tried to improve them as I think they are perfect as they are. This is coming from a girl who thinks that cooked celery is an abomination to man. And endives aren’t that far from celery in texture.

*Braised endives*

3-4 Belgian endives (enough to fill your frying pan snugly when sliced in half lengthwise)
3-4 Tbs butter
1 cup chicken broth
2 Tbs (roughly) lemon juice
1 scant tsp sugar
salt and pepper to taste

Put the butter in a nice heavy bottomed frying pan and heat until it is frothing. Slice the endives in half lengthwise and add them to the pan, keeping the heat relatively high so that the butter browns (but does not burn!) and the edges of the endive caramelize. After a few minutes, when you really think you are in danger of burning the butter and/or the endives, turn down the heat to low and pour in the chicken broth. (If you are Barrett, you can use vegetable broth.) Sprinkle the sugar and lemon juice over the endives and cover loosely. Simmer for 20 minutes or until tender. (Obviously it depends on the size/thickness of your endives.) Salt and pepper to taste.

It’s that simple. I make this pretty frequently when the Critic is away at an Official Function. I also sometimes make up a batch solely to bring in to work for lunch. It’s my secret indulgence. The sauce goes milky and is full of chicken flavour and salt and a touch of sugar. The endives, even when tender, retain a bit of bite and are steeped in the wonderful broth. It’s a fantastic combination.